Finding Strength in Stillness

writing March 14th, 2024

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Self Portrait, July 2023

Stillness, it is a word I came back to often, it is a word I am grateful for after years of riding the pendulum between chaos, self loathing, destruction & euphoria. Within the diary of In Rooms is a story of survival, of perseverance from days dictated by other voices, societal pressures, generational molds that did not fit. Every image in here is a message, carved out from a miraculous moment in the present where I surrender to the wisdom and guidance beyond my understanding.

Stillness is a force that allows you to witness life without the waters taking hold of you. Stillness is wisdom, it offers perspective to observe without reacting. Stillness is luxury, it is the space and time to fill your breath, witness and move consciously.

As a storyteller, it is my role to shift consciousness , to raise awareness to the essence of truth in the present moment. When I press the shutter I show up fully, but I do not fully understand the moment. Like you, I bare witness to the work, I carve out meaning and I allow it to fill my chest and unlock the relief needed to move forward.

I realize that stillness is not what is granted to us - in media, in survival, in storytelling , in escapism, in the lure of entertainment and capitalism. Humans thrive, or do they numb themselves in chaos, thrills, and extreme euphoria. We are so consumed by the need to peak our central nervous system through Netflix, Tiktok, & the news that few at this time can sit with the quiet of stillness.

When I look at this print, it is the first time that I witness stillness, the absent of a demonic duality present in my earlier works. I cherish that I have arrived here, that I can witness the darkness, witness the path of light and hold space to fill my being with breath, to choose neither or perhaps just enjoy the present moment.

I hope that by arriving here, I can leave behind a clue to all of you that stillness is possible. Let this be your reminder to breath, to close your eyes, to release clinging to any path or outcome and take your time. I believe in you…

*Original Instagram Post “I have found strength in stillness, a surrender to the quiet nature of life. Absent of others, absent of influence, loneliness fuels my warmth. I sit and watch the dark creep towards me from the right and to the left a new pathway to light.”

*Project Details: I began a series with the lady in black in a bias cut gown in the summer of 2022. It was a way to move freely and travel but have a reliable, lightweight prop I could take with me. Without my studio, props and time to consider my ideas, this is the first time I sat with being alone, with being present, with finding strength in witnessing my own path develop. She is connected to the archetype of The Oracle, the Integrated Shadow, The Mystic and in the present (march 2024), it is an ongoing investigation…

*Motifs & Thought Process

In walking through the garden of this property, I thought often of the motif of a woman that sat alone on a park bench. We’re somewhat enamored by the idea of wondering how people are content with loneliness, amused by their own surroundings. The woman alone on the bench is typically an older woman. At 36, I keep filling my being with the duality of youth and old age. In aligning myself to the wisdom of older women, I surrender to stillness and somehow in a fleeting moment of the shutter clicking, me not being sure what I really captured, this frame that strikes at the core of my being was brought to life.

*Darkroom Process:

The Print is heavily altered in the darkroom. In this introductory post , I offer the insight that I view my negatives like a conductor to an orchestra. When I view the score, yes the negative, it is my job to bring it to life with my hands in the dark. I illuminate the center for an ethereal lightness, and then by intuition, guided by the spirits that inevitably surround this project, I felt a need to vignette heavily my surroundings all while leaving a brisk of light behind me. A revelation! A ha! The duality of two paths, the temptation of darkness all around us, the strength of stillness to witness all of it. With it’s completion, a perfect moment that I can tuck away in my archive.

Stillness, 2023

Collect Print: www.InRoomsGallery.com